Google Is Changing How We Approach Math Jokes
math jokes A philosopher, a biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician chatted at a bar counter. In the middle of the conversation, 2 people enter a van parked in front of the bar and after a while 3 leave.
– “But this is impossible!” Says the philosopher. “If the truck was empty, how is it possible for 2 to go in and 3 to go out?”
– “Clearly, our measurements are wrong,” says the physicist.
– “They must have reproduced inside the truck,” says the biologist.
– “I don’t see where the problem is,” intervenes the mathematician. “As soon as one more person enters, the van will be empty again.” math jokes
– Is there a doctor?
– What is your specialty?
– Doctor of Mathematics.
– Doctor, my friend is dying.
– One less.
—Yesterday I bought a television with T squared divided by 2 more constant.
-Hey? But what is that?
“Well, what is it going to be?” Integrated DTT!
At the Pizzeria.-
– Do you want the pizza cut into 6 or 8 pieces?
– In 6, that with 8 I won’t be able …
Smart Boss + Smart Employee = PROFIT
Smart Boss + Silly Employee = PRODUCTION
Silly Boss + Smart Employee = UP
Silly Boss + Silly Employee = EXTRA HOURS
This is a math party, and he goes pi and says to ex that he is apart in a corner:
8 Horrible Mistakes To Avoid When You (Do) Math Jokes
– “And you, don’t you integrate?”
– “I do not care”.
– “Daddy, daddy! Are you doing the math problem for me?”
– “No son, it wouldn’t be good”.
– “Well, try it anyway.”
Verification that 2 + 2 = 5 .-
– How to experimentally check that 2 + 2 = 5?
– Get two ropes, and tie two knots in each of them. Now tie them together. How many knots does the result have?
Question in class.-
The teacher.- “Let’s see, Jaimito, answer quickly: How many are two and two?”.
The teacher.- “How can you be such a donkey?”.
Jaimito.- “But what do you want, speed or precision?”
Examination of limits.-
In Bilbao, when leaving a Mathematical Analysis exam:
– “Hey Patxi, what did the second limit give you, then?”
– “More infinity”.
At that time, Jesus Christ said to his apostles:
– “y = 2×2 + 3x – 5”
To which Pedro replied:
– “Master, we don’t understand you.”
And Jesus Christ answered:
– “It is a parable”.
At the barracks, a sergeant:
– “Well, today we are going to teach Chemistry. Let’s see, who knows at what temperature the water boils?”
– “At 100 degrees!”
– ” False”.
– “One hundred degrees, my sergeant!”.
– ” Is not correct”.
– “At a hundred degrees!”
After telling several people that it was boiling at a hundred degrees, he decided to look at the cutlet where he had it pointed.
– “Oops, sorry … I just saw it and yes, the water boils at a hundred degrees. Those that boil at 90 degrees are right angles!”.
Real geometry like life itself …-
– “If we caress a circle, it becomes a vicious circle” (Eugene Ionesco).
– “The parallel lines meet at infinity. Every afternoon at 7:30 am.” (J. Perich).
– “The shortest line between two points is the straight downhill line” (Jaume Perich).
– “The circumference is a sharp curve, even on weekdays.”
– “The longest line between two points is the RENFE”.
– “The ellipse is the only geometric figure that can be of two shapes: sun and moon.”
The teacher.- “… clearing x we obtain that x = 3”.
The student.- “Wait a minute! You said yesterday that x was equal to 2!”
Love is a perfect equation: a member is raised to the highest power possible, it is enclosed in parentheses, the common factor is extracted, and it is reduced to the lowest expression.
About tastes …
I like polynomials, but only to a certain degree.
He was a man with a personality so negative, so negative, so negative, that when he arrived at a meeting, those present began to look strange and asked: “Who has left?”
On one occasion they asked a seller how he could sell his rabbit sandwiches so cheaply, to which he replied:
– “Well, I have to admit that there is a little horse meat. But the mixture is only 50%; I use the same number of rabbits as horses.”
I realized that I was going to suspend Mathematics when one day the teacher said in class: “Be an epsilon less than 37”, and suddenly everyone laughed.
Non-mathematical description of some expressions used in Mathematics class.
What the math teachers say, and what they really mean:
Clearly: I don’t want to go through all the intermediate steps.
Trivially: If you think I have to show you why, you were wrong in class.
This you ask me is obvious: If you were asleep when I explained it, don’t expect me to repeat the explanation.
I give you a hint: The most difficult way to do it.
We can assume that: There are many cases, but I don’t know how to do this one.
Using the “___” Theorem: I don’t know what it says, but I know it works out there.
The rest is Algebra: This is the boring part; If you don’t believe me, do it!
Spoken demonstration: If I write it, they can find the errors.
Briefly: Class is over, so I will write and speak quickly (not short).
I leave it as an exercise: I am tired.
Brief demonstration: Take half of the page and four times the time to understand it.
Formal demonstration: I don’t understand it either.
Easily demonstrable: Even you, with your infinitesimal knowledge, can demonstrate it without my help.
Do you want me to repeat the explanation ?: If you have understood it, I will explain it to you again until you understand it.
The mathematical method.
They ask a mathematician:
_ “What would you do if you saw a burning house and just in front of a hose without connecting to a hydrant?”
_ “I would connect it, obviously”.
_ “What if the house wasn’t burning, but the hose was connected?”
_ “I would burn the house, disconnect the hose and then use the previous method.”
To understand what recursion is, you first have to understand what recursion is.
– Three linearly independent vectors are seen on the screen. How is the movie called?.
– Rank 3.
– Two incompatible linear systems are seen on the screen. How is the movie called?.
– Kramer vs. Kramer.
At the zeros party.
This was a 0 (zeros) party …
10 arrives, and they stop him at the door. On the 10th he says to them: “Hey, can’t I walk with a cane?”
101 arrives, and when they stop him he says, “Hey, can’t you see I’m on crutches?”
7 comes, and when they stop, he says, “Bah, I thought it was a costume party.”
Infinity comes, and they say, “Oh, no, you don’t come in.” And infinity says: “Wretched, you discriminate against us because we are Siamese.”
The 1 arrives and they say to him: “And you?” He replies: “I just went on a diet.”
The 8 arrives, and they say to him: “You do not go in, and do not tell me that you are disguised. And the 8 says: “No, I’m a 0, but I came with a belt.”
6 arrives and before they stop, he says: “What is it? Don’t you like Punk?”
40 arrives and says: “I thought I could bring my girlfriend.”
The 9th arrives and they say to him: “Sir, if you want to enter, put your fly up!”
THE INVESTMENT GEOMETRY METHOD:
Put a spherical cage in the middle of the jungle. Lock yourself inside her. Make an investment regarding the cage; Now the outside is inside the cage, with ALL the lions, and you are outside the cage.
THE METHOD OF THE THEORY OF MEASURE:
The jungle is a separable space, therefore there is a succession of points that converge to the lion. We follow these points silently to get as close to the lion as we want, with the right equipment, and we kill him.
THE TOPOLOGICAL METHOD:
We observe that the lion has at least the connectivity of a bull, therefore we can take it to a fourth-dimensional space, and manipulate it to make a knot. When we return it to three-dimensional space it will be defenseless.
THE THERMODYNAMIC METHOD:
We built a semi-permeable membrane, permeable to everything except lions, and we walked it through the jungle.
At all times there is a probability that the lion is inside the cage. Close it and sit and wait.
THE PROJECTIVE GEOMETRY METHOD:
Without loss of generality, we can see the desert as a flat surface; project this surface onto a line, and then project this line onto a point inside the cage; the lion will have been applied to the inside of the cage.
THE BOLZANO_WEIERSTRASS METHOD:
Divide the jungle into two parts, and fence them. The lion has to be in one of the two parts; Divide it again in two, building a fence in half, and proceed iteratively by building fences that divide the area where the lion is in two. Finally, you will have the lion enclosed by a fence as small as you want.
THE PEANO METHOD:
Build a Peano curve that runs through the jungle. This curve can be traveled in an arbitrarily small time, so all you have to do is take a spear and travel the curve in less time than it takes for the lion to move a distance equal to its size.
They have invented some knowledge pills, and eagerly the students run to the pharmacy and start gorging themselves on Literature, History pills … after a while, one of them asks the pharmacist:
_ “Hey, and you don’t have any to learn Mathematics?”
_ “Yes, wait a little …”
The pharmacist goes into the back room, and after a while appears with something that looks like a melon.
_ “So big?”.
_ “Well, you know that Mathematics was always difficult to swallow …”
Excuses for not doing math homework:
_ “I know how to test it, but this margin is too small” (Fermat).
_ “I have a solar calculator, but it was cloudy.”
_ “I would swear to put them in a Klein bottle, but this morning they were not inside.”
Be two leperos …
An old formula.
2P2A + A2 and + K2 x 1/5 = KK
Faith and Mathematics.
_ “You who are a mathematician, do you believe in God?”.
_ “Yes, except isomorphisms”.
The typical clueless teacher is walking around campus when a student stops him and asks him a couple of questions. When finished:
_ “Well, this was it, thank you very much.”
_ “You’re welcome. See you tomorrow”.
After a brief pause, the teacher yells at him:
_ “Hey! Hey, excuse me, could you tell me where I was going when we met?”
_ “Yes, of course, it was going in that direction.” (pointing out)
_ “Ah, so I’ve already eaten …”
Two mathematicians are arguing in a bar. One of them says that people don’t know anything about Mathematics, while the other maintains that everyone is prepared to solve almost any problem that comes up in their life. In this the one who says they have no idea goes to the bathroom, and the other calls a waitress and says:
– “Look, can you do me a favor? In a little while I will ask you a question, and you have to answer” one third of x to the cube “”.
– “A bucket of what?”
– “No,” one third of x cubed “”.
– “A piece of cheese in cubes?”.
– “No,” one third of x cubed, “repeat.”
– “A tissue of X in cubes? It doesn’t make sense!”
– “No, no, notice. He is saying it wrong, it is” a third of x cubed “”.
– “A third of x cubed?”.
– “Yes! That’s it! Don’t forget it, please!”
In this the waitress walks away repeating in a low voice “one third of x to the cube”, “one third of x to the cube” … and the other mathematician returns.
– “Look, so you can see, we are going to ask a question to anyone, for example, that waitress, and you will see how she responds to us.”
– “Okay. Call her.”
– “Hey! Waitress, please!”.
– “Do you know how much is the integral of x squared?”.
– “Ah …! A third of x cubed … plus the constant of integration.”
It is clear!
A mathematician and a physicist go to a theoretical physics lecture, with Kulza_Klein’s theories involving 9-dimensional spaces. The physicist is dusty after a while, but the mathematician seems interested, so the physicist asks, bored:
_ “Hey, how can you hold this roll?”.
_ “Bah, it’s easy, it’s all about visualizing it.”
_ “But, how to visualize a space of dimension 9?”.
_ “I visualize a space of dimension N and then I make N equal to 9.”
_ “I don’t understand it; could you explain it to me in another way?”
_ “Mmmm, wait, … yes! I have it! It is simply viewing a space in 10 dimensions and then making the first projection!”
The chief of a tribe of Indians on a reservation in Florida calls the witcher and asks him how he is going to appear next winter. The sorcerer proceeds to throw bones, he sacrifices some birds, he prepares some leather bands, and at the end he says to the chief:
– “Bad bad”.
So the chief orders the whole tribe to start preparing for winter, chopping wood, preparing skins, fixing tents, etc., and the whole tribe goes to work.
After fifteen days, the chief talks to the warlock again and asks him how winter appears in view of the improvements they have made in the town. The witcher uses magic again and says to the boss:
– “Bad, bad, bad, bad”.
So the chief gathers the tribe and tells them that more work is needed because the winter is promised particularly hard, and nobody spends a penny in the village to have any recourse in case of emergency.
After another fifteen days, history repeats itself, and when the chief tells the town to work even harder, voices of protest and insults towards the wizard begin to be heard.
The boss begins to be worried, so one day he decides to dress in a suit and tie and resort to science; he goes to NASA and asks the experts:
– “How does winter appear?”
They take him to a room full of computers and screens where they start doing various simulations with the most advanced mathematical models; after an hour of calculations, they say to the boss:
– “Bad bad bad”.
The chief, terrified at the riot that awaits him when he returns to the town, insists:
– “And you are absolutely sure that it will be so bad?”.
– “Man, the models we use here are very reliable, we got it right 99% of the time, but this year for sure, for sure, for sure it is going to be very bad, because there is one thing that never fails: the Indians take two months chopping wood…”
Teacher: If you give me an example of mathematical redundancy, you pass the course.
Student: Sine of theta.
Teacher: Very well. Outstanding!